The Plan of Attack: Royal Ascot Week

This is something I wrote up last year, when planning how on earth I could park my car, catch the train from Ascot station, and not totally lose my mind in the drunken toff insanity that is Royal Ascot week.

This is what I came up with:

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1. is platform 2, where the Waterloo -> Reading train stops
2. is where the underground tunnel comes out - normally you'd turn immediately right and go up the steps to the front of the station. But this has security barriers in place to stop you doing that - in fact, there are security barriers in place to stop you even *exiting* the tunnel
3. is where you finally escape the barriers and get into the Jazz cafe carpark - which is filled with marquees and Drunken Fuckers
4. is where the security barrier is based, replete with machine gun toting police marksmen
5. is the entrance to the carpark. So tantalisingly close!
6. is where my car is parked - even more tantalisingly close!
7. is the (normally locked) gate which allows the Honda garage access to the (shared with SWT/Railtrack) carpark - this is how you now exit the carpark
8. is the vehicle entrance to the Honda garage, and where you know exit on to the main road

Looking at the map, two new options pop up:

1) go the opposite way through the tunnel, coming out in a housing estate near QV London (the ace Ferrari mechanics). You then have a 5 minute walk through the estate, under the railway, and then back up the road to 8.

2) from 3., walk out to the road, then down the road to 8.

Both of these assume there would be no police presence at 8., allowing free entrance to the carpark and retrieval of my car!

Royal Ascot opens on Tuesday, which means the defensive perimeter (yes, it's really called that by the security goons who staff it - there were even signs calling it that last time) will be in place, allowing time to check out the defenses this time round.

Amusingly, the gun-toting cops and the security search at 4. is pointless - because if I wanted to commit a terrorist act, I'd do it by blowing shit up at 2., where the crowd is most dense, and contained in a submerge pathway, where you'd do the most damage. Either that or go post in the Jazz cafe carpark.

And you know what the best bit is?

By sharing this all with you guys, when^Wif I get arrested, under the Prevention of Terrorism Act, you will all automatically get arrested too!

How cool is that? Our tax money at work!